I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
