so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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