what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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