I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
