Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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