someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
