I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
