I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You have to summon your inner elephant
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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