put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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