Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
