you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
why is half of my head shaved?
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