Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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