She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
