I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
