well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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