Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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