um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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