I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm always down for nudity.
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