Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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