I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
