What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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