Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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