So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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