I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
