Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she peed on how many people?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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