he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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