his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
