how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
