Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Green mimosas i think yes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
