I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
