I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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