So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
