I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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