we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
