My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
