I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
