Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we're so committed to being not committed
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