I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
