I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
