How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
