final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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