new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
