Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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