i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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