Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
