I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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