it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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