he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
