Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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