I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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