dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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