Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
