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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
