GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
