my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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