Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
