I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
