shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I wear drunk well.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
