I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
