I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
