you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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