Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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