if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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