i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
