Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
