Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
