i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
