they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
