There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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