im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
