oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
MIDGETS
????
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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