cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
