I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize