dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
