Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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