your room smells of hookers.
And success
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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