I want to stick my p in your. b.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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