So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
