Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
