Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
